Grandma, ask yourself if you’re doing enough
Dear Carolyn: The mother of my grandgirls is making life a problem. The middle girl is extremely autistic and has not been taught the social rules we all need.
4 Responses to “Grandma, ask yourself if you’re doing enough”
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I am so sorry your father acts like this. I am telling you, parents think they are doing their kids good by being super strict and strong armed, but they aren’t! Your dad clearly loves you very much, but he doesn’t know how to be a good dad. he sees his 13 year old girl growing up and he wants you to stay young forever.
Now about your question, I am very sorry, but you can say whatever you want to him, but it won’t work. You can’t refuse him. You are only 13 and you would have to go to court to have the visitation structure revisited. You are stuck for a while…talk to your mom about it…don’t know if it will help.
Try losing the goth appearance when you go see him…it obviously irritates him. By the way I am a mother of a 13 year old, so I have some parenting experience. Your dad sounds very old school….
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well i only read the last part of this… but i went through this with my mother and dad. they were fighting for custody over my brother and i, and during the whole court case we had to visit my dad every sunday and every other weekend. we both HATED going to his house. we didn’t/don’t like him at all. he’s a bad father. we were about 6 and 8.. around there. maybe a little older. but i remember how mad i always got about the fact that it didn’t matter that i kept telling the judges that i don’t want to see my dad anymore. i got so frustrated that they wouldn’t listen to me.. when I was the one who had to go to his house, not them! but we no longer have to see him. i think right now you might no be able to help it… but if you could get your guardian to fight for complete custody over you, without having to visit him anymore, you should. otherwise you have to wait till you are 18.
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You can’t refuse visitation because he is your biological father and thats in the child support agreement since he is paying to help support you he has a right to see you. I’m sorry it’s not going well with him but it sounds like you have put your guard up when you’re around him. I think you should just try to relax and have fun around him it might make him loosen up too and not feel like he has to yell at you once he sees a little maturity out of you. I have 2 kids myself and I can tell you that no parents are perfect and it sounds like he does love you but he might want you to be a certain way that you are not. Which I know a lot of parents are like that. Try thinking of all the positive things about him… he loves you and cares about you, he doesn’t beat you, he’s not an alcoholic or drug addict or just one of those dad’s that doesn’t care enough about his kids to pay child support..get to know him and let your guard down around him he’s going to be your dad for the rest of your life, you might have a little teen agnst now but maybe the mature thing for you to do is visit him, not all gothed out try to tone it down a notch and dress like a pretty young lady that I’m sure you are. I bet he would love that and I bet if he saw his little girl looking like a beautiful young lady his heart would melt and he would have a totally new respect for you. I used to be goth in HS but I finally gave up cause I realized even tho it was fun to dress that way I wasn’t getting the respect I wanted. You can still dig all the music and the lifestyle w/o wearing it on your sleeve, know what I mean??? I think you should try that just give yourself a pretty girl makeover, have your mama help you and watch your daddy’s heart melt and ask you "what do you want my sweet daughter? jewelry? a new car? money? " lol just kidding …..but he would love that
you only get one dad you might as well love him. Don’t push him away though sweetie that will only make things worse.
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Can I, a 13 year old girl, refuse visitation with my dad?
I live in Alabama, but whenever I do visit my dad, all he does is yell at me. I do not talk or visit him much, but when I do, he yells at me. Mostly about things that aren’t true! My mom, dose not manipulate me. She gets along well with my dad. The kind of things he yells at me for are things like religion, I’m atheist he’s a christian, my clothes, I dress a bit more gothic then he likes(No piercings or tattoos, my hair is black as well as my clothes) my hair, I dyed it black my dogs, he was afraid of my Akita. Also, and the biggest thing, is he said that I never talk to my grandma and when I do, it’s for money and how I "Ratted her out" when she was talking bad about my mom, which the court said not to in front of my brother and I. So I told my mom because it upset me about how they talked about her. I have asked her for money maybe twice. Once, was 2 weeks before my birthday and I asked her for something on ebay for a school play. The next, I had an anime convention to go to but since he wasn’t paying enough child support, I called my grandma and asked for money. So she sent me $100. We emailed each other every day. And when he started this argument, she stopped replying to my emails. I was pretty upset about it. Her and I were very close. Then, he yells at me 2 times in my short visit in public! Once while we were buying ice cream, the other at Kroger! I tried explaining how that wasn’t true, but he said, "I’m your father and what ever I say goes so you can get over yourself." Note, this happens with every visit. Even when he called me for short chat to ask what I wanted for christmas (The first time in 2 and a half months) he brought up the issue again. So I told him, "Look, I don’t want to spend my vacations with you if all you’re gonna do is yell at me." So he said again, "I’m your father and have visitation to see you. You WILL come and see me and you WILL have a good time. You have No choice in the matter." S, I want to know If I can say "No, I don’t have to visit you" No, I don’t have a date or am emotional like most teenagers. I have a 3.8 grade average and an IQ of 136. I believe I’m old enough to know he shouldn’t do this. Do you guys know if I can?
Also, He dosen’t pay the ammount of child support he should for two kids. He lied about his annual salary.
Going back to court at the moment is a no. With the droping economy, we don’t have the money to do so. My mom spent 15,000 dollars just to enforce the law to get us back from a visit. She had full custody, but the police in California wouldn’t do anything about. She had to take him back to court just to get us back.
When I say goth I don’t mean very. I like hard rock and screamo, I wear a little more black then normal, but that’s it. I have 1 pair of pants with chains on them. No, he dosen’t beat me. But I’m not going to act differn’t just to please him. He’s my dad, not the Principal of my school. I don’t wear makeup either, but a little nail polish dosen’t hurt anyone. His father is an old classic southern man. Thinks women should bow down to his feet and clean and cook and is a pretty racist. My dad, is just like that. Though not as racist. My mom, is from northern Michigan. All her friends are black and believes women are independent.So I am a bit like that. My dad just hates the fact that I wear jeans more the skirts or dresses. Honestly,the government is made for rich people with thousands of dollars to spare. Not for the middle class or poor. He hasn’t even attempted to have a relationship with me until I was almost 13.Only he dose now because his wie always wanted kids,but he can’t anymore